


This Garden of Mine

by Jimena



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-06-07 13:56:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6807769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jimena/pseuds/Jimena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey builds a garden in the same way she's built everything else: from bits and pieces salvaged from others</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Weeds Are Flowers Too

**Author's Note:**

> In which Rey has strange notions of ownership, and Poe unwittingly starts a trend

It started off innocently enough.

 

“Isn’t that the girl from Starkiller?” Pava asked, craning her neck so she could see over Poe’s shoulder.

He turned to see where she was looking. “Looks like it,” he answered hesitantly, not out of any confusion as to her identity—the gleaming hilt of the lightsaber on her hip was easy enough to pick out, even at a distance—but more out of curiosity as to what she was doing. The girl was on her hands and knees, face inches from the ground. If Poe had to put actual words to it, he’d say it looked like she was doing nothing more than conducting a staring match with the grass beside the auxiliary runway.

“You…think she’s all right?” Pava asked, voice dubious. She raised one eyebrow when Poe looked back at her and tapped the side of her head.

Poe spread his hands. “As far as I know.” They regarded the girl together for a long moment. She didn’t appear to move.

Jessika cleared her throat meaningfully. “Don’t you think we should, I dunno, check if she’s still breathing?” she asked when Poe glanced at her.

“And by _we_ , you mean me,” Poe guessed when she made no move to follow through on her question.

Pava shrugged. “You’re the one who knows her.”

Poe snorted. “I think we’ve spoken a grand total of ten words to each other.”

Pava frowned at him. “I thought you said she checks in on that friend of yours.”

“Well, yeah, but we don’t talk,” Poe tried to explain. “I say hello; she looks up, _maybe_ says hello back, then the next thing I know, she’s gone.” He shook his head. “She’s like a ghost or something the way she can just disappear.”

“Well, she’s here now,” Pava said, spinning him around and giving him a shove for good measure, “So you should go check on her.”

“You’re scared of her,” Poe realized with dawning betrayal on his face as he stumbled forwards.

“Mildly terrified,” Pava agreed cheerfully, “Have you seen her pacing around the base? You do _not_ want to get in her way, believe me.” She shuddered for effect before making a shooing motion with her hands. “So put your charmingly awkward self to good use, Commander.” She shot him a mock salute and turned back to her x-wing to continue post-flight checks.

“You’ve been spending too much time with Karé,” Poe grumbled. “There is such a thing as respect for authority, you know!” he called back over his shoulder, receiving nothing but a lazy wave in return. He shook his head and trudged over to where Rey was still kneeling in the grass by the runway.

Well, at least she was still breathing, but he couldn’t see what had managed to catch her attention so intently that she didn’t notice his approach.

“What are you doing?” he asked, peering over her shoulder to try to see what she was looking at.

Rey startled visibly and immediately lashed out, spinning on one knee with the other leg extended and sweeping Poe’s legs out from under him. Poe only had a moment to register his surprise before he found himself on his back with Rey’s fist an inch from his face. In that moment, as he stared up into her snarling visage, he gave some credence to the whispers floating around base about the half-feral girl who stalked the halls of the base like a caged sand-panther. She had always seemed calm, subdued even, the few times he’d seen her since their brief introduction during the briefing on Skywalker’s location, but that might have been more circumstance than personality. The med droids in Finn’s room were quick to voice their disapproval of potentially disruptive actions, and he couldn’t blame the girl for being loathe to attract their attention. Looking up at her now though, he could see how the stories had started.

But he’d also seen Finn positively glow when he spoke of her, and while he might not have known the former Stormtrooper long, he seemed to have good taste in friends.

Exhibit #1: Himself, excellent choices all around so far.

Exhibit #2: Chewbacca, and if you couldn’t trust a Wookiee to be a good judge of character, then who could you trust?

Exhibit #3: …Well he hadn’t really had a lot of time to make new friends before Starkiller and landing himself in a coma in the medical wing, but BB-8 liked him well enough. That had to count for something, right?

And if he was going to take his droid friend’s opinion into account, it absolutely adored the girl who was currently staring down at him with an expression that wasn’t quite all there, confusion and a hint of fear plain on her face.

So Poe just lay still and held up his empty hands. “Easy now,” he said with a smile he hoped was more reassuring than strained. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Rey shook her head slightly and her expression cleared. She flushed a deep red and rolled off him immediately. “Sorry,” she muttered as she stood, rubbing one arm self-consciously and radiating embarrassment. She took a swift step back as Poe gingerly regained his feet.

He waved her apology off with a small laugh. “No serious harm done.” He patted himself down to demonstrate. “Although I think you might have bruised my ego a bit.” He looked up to find Rey staring at him with an odd expression on her face and wariness in her stance as she regarded him like the piece of a puzzle that didn’t quite fit in the picture she’d been building. Poe grinned reassuringly. “Do you always go around attacking random people who ask you questions?”

Rey shrugged one shoulder and looked away as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. “People don’t ask questions for no good reason,” she stated firmly. “Well, here they do,” she amended, a bemused look on her face, as if she couldn’t imagine why anyone might take an interest in her.

“You’ve noticed that, have you?” Poe laughed, “Us Resistance folks can be a nosy bunch.” He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Don’t let Karé and Iolo get ahold of you. They’re the worst of the lot. They wouldn’t let you get away until they got your whole life story.”

“There’s really not much to tell,” Rey replied with some trepidation in her voice at the prospect, “but thanks for the warning.”

Poe nodded. “Speaking of nosy, what were you doing?” he asked, still curious despite himself.

Rey’s face cleared and she immediately began casting around in the grass, ignoring Poe’s mystified expression, even going so far as to order him to move in a terse voice as she searched for…whatever it was she was searching for. She dropped to one knee suddenly and reached down. When Poe craned his head around to see what had caught her attention, he saw a small white flower cradled in her palm.

“Snowcap?” he asked, unsure why she looked so dejected.

“It’s crushed,” Rey murmured, touching the petals of the limp plant gently. “Wait,” she rounded on him, “you know what it is?”

Poe shrugged. “Sure, it’s just a local weed. You can find fields of it all over the place. Seems to attract the local flocks of flying lizards during breeding season. No one's quite figured out why, I don't think, but it drives the ground crew crazy." He grinned crookedly. "Makes for interesting takeoffs and landings too, if you get a patch too close to the runway."

Rey’s face lit up. “Show me,” she ordered, standing abruptly and stashing the crushed flower in the pouch at her side.

"The lizards?" Poe asked.

"The _flowers,_ " Rey answered, shaking her head a little, as if she found him particularly daft.

“Uh, sure,” Poe answered, confused but willing to go along with it. “I think the ground crew was complaining about a big patch behind the hangar.” He led the way around the building and gestured. “See?” He turned to see Rey standing there with a look of wonder on her face. “There’s so many,” she whispered. She brushed past Poe as if he wasn’t even there, sinking to her knees at the edge of the patch and running her fingers lightly over the tops of the flowers.

“Yeah,” Poe shrugged. “They might be troublesome, but they’re pretty little things. Easy to grow too. Quite a few people on base keep them around for a splash of color.” He chuckled. “Bare duracrete gets a little depressing after a while.” He glanced down and an idea struck him. “Be right back.”

Rey nodded mutely, still lost in the moment, as Poe strode off with a purpose. He was back a few minutes later, and Rey jumped slightly as a small bucket thumped to the ground beside her. She looked up to see Poe grinning down at her. She glanced at the bucket in confusion, eyeing the stains and flecks of metal in it. “What was in this?” she asked with a slight frown.

“Nothing important, I hope,” Poe answered, running a hand through his hair with a rueful laugh. “I thought you could use it to take some flowers back with you if you wanted.”

Rey reached for the bucket with a hopeful expression on her face before hesitating. She pulled her hand back, face back to its normal guarded wariness as she looked up. “What do I owe you for this?”

“Owe?” Poe frowned.

Rey looked at him like he was dense. “Everything has a price,” she explained slowly, “and I’m not about to accept this without knowing what it is.”

“It’s just a bucket,” Poe protested. “It’s not even mine.”

Rey frowned. “You found it?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“It doesn’t belong to anyone?”

“Well, the Resistance maybe—“

“But it wasn’t marked?”

“Well, no, it’s a bucket—“

“And no one saw you take it and it won’t be missed?”

“I don’t think so?” Poe was confused.

“Then it’s yours,” Rey stated as if it were an obvious fact. “So what are you asking for it?”

“That’s not—“ Poe wasn't even sure where to start picking apart that tricky bit of logic, so he gave up and caved in the face of Rey’s expectant look.“How about you just give me a flower here and there if you want.” He gestured to the patch. “Provided you can keep them alive, that is. It’d be nice to have a some color around once in a while.”

“You…want me to trade you flowers?” Rey asked dubiously.

Poe shrugged.

Rey remained silent for a long moment, as if weighing her decision, before nodding. “I can do that,” she said with a bright smile, the first real one Poe had seen on her face since the briefing. He responded with a grin of his own and helped her dig out a good size chunk of blossoms to fill the bucket. Rey sat back on her heels once they were done and wiped the back of her hand across her forehead, leaving a streak of dirt as she surveyed their work with satisfaction.

“So what do you think?” Poe asked.

“It’s perfect,” Rey whispered, reaching out to touch a snowcap trailing over the side. She regarded the flower pot in silence for a moment before she spoke almost hesitantly. “Do you think Finn would like some too?”

Poe grinned widely. “Of course he would. Good idea. I’ll go find us another container.”

 

“Thank you,” Rey said quietly, later, as they sat beside Finn. It’d taken a little arguing with the medical staff, but Poe discovered that Rey could be as immovable as a mountain when she decided to be stubborn. When the med droid had turned to him with a beseeching beep, he’d merely spread his hands helplessly. So now one of the flower containers sat on the stand beside Finn’s bed, and Poe thought the room already looked more cheerful for it.

Rey held the other pot in her lap, periodically touching the blossoms with something like reverence in her face. She picked an especially fine specimen and held it out to him.

Poe took it with all due gravity before promptly ruining the moment when he placed the flower behind his ear and asked her how it suited him. She’d straight out _giggled_ at the ridiculous image he presented before beginning to tell Finn all about the flowers they’d brought, and Poe thought that easing the feral gleam in the girl’s eyes, if only for a moment, was all the thanks he needed.


	2. Wearing Wild Flowers in Our Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which BB-8 channels its inner WALL-E

It was cold. Colder than she’d ever been. Colder than she’d ever _thought_ she’d be. Rey blinked slowly and looked around. Snow lay heavy on the ground, dark trees rising like silent sentinels standing watch over their domain. The wind howled in her ears and the earth rumbled ominously beneath her feet, like a giant roused from its slumber.

Rey fought to keep her balance, dropping to one knee momentarily. She shook her head as the earth continued to shake. A distant roar sounded in her ears, but Rey ignored it, frowning up at the trees around her. She was missing something; she was sure of it…

There was a searing pain down her back, and a light she hadn’t even realized was flickering on the edges of her awareness went out.

“FINN!” she screamed, spinning around wildly. She stumbled forward, wading through the deep snow, desperate to find the source of that light before her tentative connection to it faded entirely.

Snow began to fall heavily, turning everything a searing, blinding white. “Finn!” she called again, but the wind whipped it away as soon as she yelled. Her eyes watered against the stinging cold, and she brushed them brusquely with the back of one hand.

It was dark when she opened her eyes again, but she didn’t have time to think on it. She couldn’t feel the light at all anymore. “Finn?” she called out quietly. She shivered and crossed her arms over her chest as she cast around for something, _anything_ that might help her find her friend.

“ _Please_ ,” she pleaded to the empty air, breath misting upwards. She leaned her head back against a tree as the world trembled around her; she felt herself begin to fall. “Fi—“

 

“—nn” she yelled, sitting abruptly upright. She was trapped; there was something strapped to her arm and something heavy lay over the top of her, and she struggled to free herself out from under it, movements jerky and uncoordinated. There was a brief flash of pain in her arm.

“Easy now,” an older woman’s voice said, and Rey looked up. A dark-haired woman with a medic’s armband who looked vaguely familiar stood calmly on the other side of the room. She smiled warmly. “Welcome back.”

Rey looked around the room blearily, wincing and bringing a hand to her head as the light struck her eyes.

“I’m Doctor Kalonia,” the woman said, obligingly turning the lights down when she noticed Rey’s discomfort.

“Where—“ she coughed, throat dry.

The doctor poured her a glass of water from the pitcher beside her bed and held it out.

Rey took it gratefully, but only took a small sip. They were so _free_ with their water here. “Where am I?” she tried again.

“Medical wing. It seems like you caught a bad fever. It’s broken now, but you’ve been out of it for a few days.”

“Days?” Rey repeated quietly, before springing into movement. She threw the blanket off her and swung her feet over the side of the bed before a wave a dizziness swept over her. Rey snarled at the doctor when she moved forward to help.

The doctor didn’t appear to take it personally, merely taking a step back to give Rey space.

“I need to check on Finn,” Rey growled. “I need to make sure he’s okay!”

“Your friend is fine,” Kalonia said soothingly. “I checked on him this morning. We’re still keeping him in a coma, but he appears to be progressing well.”

Rey hesitated, torn between continuing to struggle upright or giving in to her pounding head, and when did she become so soft that this was even a debate?

In the end, it was the doctor who decided for her. “You’re making me dizzy just looking at you,” Kalonia commented, “Please lie back down.”

“Finn’s here?” Rey asked, voice small, still shaking off the effects of her nightmare. “He’s okay?”

“Yes,” the doctor replied, voice ringing with nothing but truth.

Still, Rey hesitated.

“Please?” Doctor Kalonia asked, gesturing to the bed.

With a sigh, Rey lay back, quashing the instant relief she felt ruthlessly.

The doctor made a note on her clipboard before setting it aside and stepping forward, brandishing a penlight. “May I?” she asked.

“Sure,” Rey shrugged.

Kalonia shined the light in Rey’s eyes briefly, and grabbed her clipboard, scribbling down more notes.

“And how long have you been experiencing concussion symptoms?” she asked as she pulled out a diagnostic scanner. She didn’t seem pleased by the results.

“Concussion?” Rey repeated, the word unfamiliar to her.

“Blow to the head. Can result in loss of consciousness. Symptoms include headaches, dizziness, thinking difficulties—“ She pointed up at the lights. “—sensitivity to light or sound.”

“Oh,” Rey said, “You mean drop head.”

“Drop head?”

“Well, yeah,” Rey tried to explain something that was obvious. “You know, when your line breaks and you fall on your head?”

“Drop head, indeed,” the doctor said mildly, expression carefully blank. “Yes, the symptoms would be the same. How long?.”

Rey shrugged one shoulder. “They started a few days after I was thrown into the tree, I think?” She colored slightly when the doctor just stared, bland smile covering the shock she felt. “There’s been…a lot going on. I didn’t really pay much attention to it.”

“You were thrown into a tree.” Doctor Kalonia made another note on her clipboard, adding _postconcussion syndrome_ to the list that included _borderline malnutrition, dehydration, physical exhaustion,_ and _low-grade fever_. Looking at her patient over the top of the clipboard, she berated herself for being so distracted with the obvious battle wounds from Starkiller that she’d let this wisp of a girl slip through the cracks. She let none of this show on her face, however.

Rey nodded, then winced as the motion brought on a fresh stab of pain behind her eyes. She looked around the room to distract herself. It was only then she noticed that almost every surface in the room was covered in flowers, snowcaps, to be precise.

“What are all these?” Rey asked, reaching out one hand to brush a hand over the tops of the familiar white flowers.

“They’re for you,” Kalonia answered with a small smile. “I believe Commander Dameron might have mentioned that you liked flowers, and his squadron might have gone—“ Her eyes scanned the room in amusement. “—a little overboard.”

“What do they want?” Rey asked warily, drawing her hand back.

“Want?” Kalonia asked, puzzled. “They merely wish for you to get better soon.”

Rey made a small noise of frustration. “But why would they care? I’m—“ _No one_ was on the tip of her tongue, but she wasn’t sure she _was_ that, not anymore, and why did she find that prospect frightening? “They don’t even know me,” she said instead. The doctor looked at her like she knew what she’d been about to say.

“You don’t need to know someone to wish them well,” she said gently. “Besides, while they may not _know_ you, I’d be surprised if they didn’t know _of_ you.” She looked faintly amused as she looked down at Rey. “You’re quite the talk of the base, you know.”

Rey wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “Why do _you_ care?” she asked.

The doctor didn’t seem phased by the personal question. “I’m a doctor,” she said easily, “It’s my job to care.”

Rey nodded to herself and leaned back, now _that_ at least eshe could understand.

“I want to keep you here for a few days of observation,” Kalonia continued. “You can check on your friend each day,” she said to forestall Rey’s immediate protest. “I just want to run some more tests, get your numbers up a bit as well hopefully. I’ve also scheduled you for a full spectrum of vaccinations once you’ve recovered a bit more.” She smiled. “We don’t want you collapsing on us again.”

Rey just nodded numbly.

There was a dull thump against the door to the room, and Doctor Kalonia let out a small laugh. “I believe there’s someone who wants to make sure you’re okay. It’s been very vocal about it in fact. How do you feel about visitors?”

Rey shrugged, bemused and curious despite herself. “Fine, I guess.”

There was another insistent thump against the door. The doctor ignored it. “Good, make sure you don’t tire yourself out though.” There was a razor edge of threat to her smile. “I’m sure you don’t want to stay here any longer than you have to.”

Rey frowned, recognizing the warning for what it was, but voiced her acceptance.

Kalonia nodded her approval before moving across the room and swiftly opened the door. A small orange and white blur rolled quickly into the room, screeching in outrage. It had obviously expected to meet the resistance of the door again.

“BB-8.” Doctor Kalonia greeted the droid with a nod, amusement in her voice. “You may stay as long as you do no tire out my patient.” The droid beeped its assent, all but vibrating with excitement. “All right then, have fun you two.” She gave a small wave goodbye and shut the door behind her.

The small droid rolled excitedly around the room as soon as the door was closed. <<Friend_Rey!>> it whistled. <<Your status = awake!>>

Rey let out a small laugh, genuinely happy to see the droid. “I am. Thanks for coming to see me.”

<<BB-8 = happy to come!>> BB-8 beeped up at her, backing up so she didn’t have to crane her neck to see over the bed. <<BB-8 + Friend_Poe = worried about Friend_Rey>>

“I’m sorry,” Rey apologized with a crooked smile. “I didn’t mean to get sick.”

<<Status = better?>> the droid asked.

Rey nodded. “Much better.”

BB-8 whistled happily, rocking from side to side. It panned its head around the room. <<Friend_Poe + squadron = brought vegetative reproductive structures>>

Rey laughed and looked around at the overflowing array of snowcaps scattered around the room, “Yes, I saw that.”

The droid beeped thoughtfully. <<Friend_Rey + vegetative reproductive structures = happiness?>> It rolled closer to the bed, and a compartment on its side opened. A small claw arm lifted out what looked like someone’s shoe filled with dirt and a little blue flower that was barely unfurled. <<BB-8 = found one to give Friend_Rey!\\\Light spectrum + wavelength = pleasing to lifeform:human Y/N?>>

“It’s very pretty,” Rey agreed with a pleased smile, leaning over the side of the bed to examine the flower more closely. BB-8 obligingly lifted it higher. “Do you know what it is?”

<<Query: [picture] ATTACH\\\Processing…\\\Designation: _Iril kapposeri_ \\\Description: Native to planet:D’Qar\perennial\rhizomatous\inflorescences = shape of fan + 3 symmetrical lobed vegetative reproductive structures\wavelength = 450-495 nm\frequency = 606-668 THz>> BB-8 moved its head to the side to better gauge her expression and whistled cheerfully. <<Pilot designation:Jessika_”Testor”_Pava says common designation = Goddess Tear>>

“Goddess Tear,” Rey said thoughtfully. “I wonder if there’s a story that goes with that?”

<<Unknown\\\Suggestion: ask Pilot designation:Jessika_”Testor”_Pava?>>

“Perhaps,” Rey answered noncommittally. She was still having problems keeping all the people she’d met straight and wasn’t quite sure who that was. “So what do you want in return for the flower?” she asked.

BB-8 backed up slowly, as if horrified by her question. <<Friend_Rey = designation:Friend!>> it beeped up at her. <<Vegetative reproductive structure = gift + wish for status:healthy\\\Transaction = not necessary>> It placed the boot with the flower on her bed with a final beep for good measure. <<Friend_Rey = fix BB-8 antenna + help BB-8 return to Friend_Poe\\\BB-8 = debt to Friend_Rey>>

Rey nodded slowly. “All right then.” She picked up the flower and held it in her lap. “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

BB-8 buzzed happily around the room before it tried to turn to fast and crashed into the chair by her bed, sending dirt and flowers flying. The droid chirped mournfully as it surveyed the wreckage, one lone flower sticking straight up where its antenna should have been.

Rey tried not to laugh, really she did, but it was a losing battle.

BB-8 whistled indignantly.

Doctor Kalonia opened the door. “What is going on in here?” she demanded.

Both Rey and BB-8 froze in place.

The doctor sighed. “I’ll call someone to come clean this up.” She narrowed her eyes and pointed at BB-8. “You, behave.” She switched to Rey. “You, rest, _please_.” She shook her head, muttering to herself as she shut the door again.

BB-8 beeped at Rey tentatively.

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’ll fix it. Come here.” She patted the side of her bed, and the droid rolled obediently over, moving much more carefully now. Rey leaned over and brushed the dirt off its body as best she could and straightened its antenna again. After a moment’s thought, she wound the stem of the lone flower around it.

“There you go. Now you have a flower too,” she grinned.

BB-8 whirred happily. <<BB-8 + vegetative reproductive structure = happiness!>> It remained silent for long moment, moving its head back and forth, back and forth. Then it beeped once, lowly. <<CONFIDENTIAL: Friend_Rey = repair efficiency > Friend_Poe>>

Rey laughed again. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell.”


	3. A Few Flowers at His Feet and above Him the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Chewbacca throws Rey under the bus when it comes to dealing with General Organa

She found the package while elbows deep in the _Falcon_ ’s electrical system. Or more accurately, it found her, falling out of whatever hidey hole she’d inadvertently jostled in the course of her repairs. She started in surprise as the package landed on her head, then cursed and quickly extricated herself from the tangle of wires that claimed to be a working system. She cursed again, this time in Huttese, and shook one arm out.

Chewbacca stuck his head up from the access hatch in the floor, eyeing her in obvious amusement. _You alright?_ he growled.

“Yeah,” Rey bit out, clenching and unclenching her fist as feeling slowly returned to her arm, “Just a bit of a shock is all.” She cast around the floor to see what had fallen, eyes lighting on what looked like a small paper bag. She stooped and picked it up with her good arm, ignoring the pins and needles racing up the other.

 _What is it_? Chewbacca asked, pulling himself out of the floor and padding over.

Rey shrugged one shoulder and frowned. “I…don’t know.” She turned the small package over. _Princess_ was scrawled across it in handwriting nearly as illegible as her own. She glanced at the other side again. There was nothing else written. She handed it over to Chewbacca when he made a questioning grumble. “Does this mean anything to you?”

Chewbacca’s paw dwarfed the small package, but he held it delicately in his claws, turning it over and holding it up to the light. He shook it lightly, and a look of sudden comprehension dawned on his face.

Rey felt a sudden twinge of grief in the Force tempered by fond exasperation, and she shifted uncomfortably. Feeling others’ emotions, however faint and however unintentional, didn’t seem right, but she couldn’t figure out a way to make it stop or turn it off or do…whatever it was that needed doing. She supposed it was something she’d have to ask Skywalker if she found him, because there was no way in _hell_ she was going to ask Kylo Ren.

 _You should take this to Leia_ , Chewbacca said finally, holding out the package. Not _the general_ like he normally referred to her as, Rey noted.

“What is it?” she asked, taking it back with a small frown.

 _Something that she needs to see_.

“Shouldn’t you take it to her then?” Rey questioned.

Chewbacca shook his head and made a frustrated noise.

“You’re avoiding her, aren’t you?” Rey asked, eyes narrowed in sudden realization.

 _And you are not_? Chewbacca growled back, and Rey flushed slightly, caught. Chewbacca sighed. _It is not as if I do not wish to see her, but her mate died on my watch and my response was to shoot their cub._ He grimaced, face contorting into a snarl at the thought. Rey couldn’t tell if it was directed at Kylo Ren or himself. _I do not think she would wish to see_ me.

Rey shrugged. “I’m not in a much better position. I did my best to skewer Ren on a lightsaber after.” She snorted and shook her head. “We could invite Finn and start a club, ‘Sorry We Didn’t Save Your Husband and Tried to Kill Your Son.’” She winced almost as soon as the words left her mouth. She’d found that the bleak humor that was as common as sand back on Jakku didn’t go over as well here. “Sorry, that was...tactless.”

She was surprised when Chewbacca merely huffed out a laugh and reached out to pat her on the head. _Believe me, cub, I’ve heard worse._ He gave her a small push in the direction of the exit hatch. _Perhaps keep those thoughts to yourself when speaking with the general though_.

“Traitor,” Rey said as she allowed herself to be propelled forward. “You have to talk to her at some point.”

Chewbacca shrugged. _Yes, but not today._ He made a shooing motion at her with both hands as she walked down the gangplank.

Rey sighed but obediently set off in search of the general, clutching the strange package tightly in one hand.

 

She found that the general was surprisingly hard to track down.

 

“I believe she is in a meeting with Commander Dameron and his squadron,” Threepio supplied cheerfully when she finally broke down and asked someone after wandering around the base aimlessly for what felt like the better part of an hour. Artoo whistled up at him. “I do not have my days mixed up!” he answered indignantly. “You’re the one who’s been asleep for a decade!”

 

“The general?” Poe asked, holding up a hand to cover a yawn. He looked like he’s just woken up from a nap when he answered the knock at his door. “I don’t have a meeting with her for two more cycles.” He looked faintly panicked as he glanced down at BB-8 who had rolled up behind him. “Right?” The droid beeped an affirmation, and Poe visibly relaxed. “You might try Medical,” he offered, “I think she was supposed to be conducting an inspection.”

 

“You just missed her,” Doctor Kalonia said sympathetically, noticing Rey’s exasperated look. “But as long as you’re here, I’d like to run a few quick tests…”

 

Rey managed to escape the medical wing with her dignity mostly intact, but she was cursing med droids and doctors and medical staff in general in every language she knew. Those shots stung like _hell_ , damn it, and Doctor Kalonia had a habit of distracting her right before they happened so she couldn’t brace herself.

“That sounds painful,” a voice said behind her, and Rey felt her heart sink as she recognized who it was. “I’m not sure it’s anatomically possible to do that with a Hutt though,” General Organa continued, amusement in her voice.

Rey muttered under her breath and turned, face red.

The general frowned and cocked her head to the side, curious. “What was that last one? I don’t recognize the language.”

Rey flushed even further and looked off to the side. “It’s…ah, it’s a saying, from Jakku,” she explained haltingly. “I’d be surprised if you did recognize it.”

“Ah,” Leia said. “What does it mean?”

Rey ducked her head. “Ah…it’s…something along the lines of ‘Maker bury me in sand and leave me for the nightwatchers," she said quickly, figuring if she was going to be forced to embarrass herself, she might as well get it over with.

“Nightwatchers?” the general asked.

Rey could have sworn she was drawing this out on purpose. She sighed. “Giant worms,” she clarified. “Swallow you, and everything around you, whole.” She dared to look up. “Word of advice? If you ever have the misfortune to end up on Jakku, stay away from the Sinking Fields.”

“Bury me in sand and leave me for the nightwatchers,” the general repeated. Rey was caught off guard when she let out a soft laugh. “I’ll have to remember that one.” She looked down at her holopad. “Doctor Kalonia messaged that you were looking for me?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Rey breathed out in relief that her day-long ordeal was over, mentally revising her previous sentiment for the good doctor from ‘Determined to Make My Life Miserable-Avoid when Possible’ to ‘Painful Annoyance-Put up with for Finn’s Sake.’

General Organa laughed and gestured down the hallway.  “Shall we talk in my office then? I have a bit of time to spare before my next meeting.” She strode off with purpose.

“Oh, uh, sure,” Rey answered, trotting to catch up with her. For such a short woman, she moved very quickly.

The general gestured to the chair across from her desk before pulling her own chair around and sitting down with a long sigh.

“Long day?” Rey asked as she sat precariously on the edge of her own seat.

“Every day’s a long day,” Leia said, closing her eyes briefly. She opened them again and leaned forward. “Now what was it you wished to discuss with me?”

“Oh, ummm,” Rey rummaged around in the pouch at her side until she found the package. “I found this while I was working on the _Falcon_ this morning. She held it out to the general. “Chewbacca said I should give it to you?”

Leia took the package with a curious frown, immediately freezing when she saw the handwriting on it. She ran a hand across it slowly, shaking her head. “I never could get that man to stop calling me that,” she said softly. She just stared at the package in her lap for a long moment, lost in thought.

Rey shifted uncomfortably but remained silent, feeling like she was intruding on something intensely private.

The general opened up the package and peered inside. A perplexed expression crossed her face and she tipped the package upside down, letting the contents fall into her palm. A number of strangely shaped pods fell out. Leia carefully returned all but one back to the package. She carefully cracked the one that was left open and let out a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob.

“Ladalum seeds,” Leia said finally when she’d composed herself. She shook her head, a wistful smile on her face. “I don’t know how Han managed to find so many.” She snorted. “And knowing him, I definitely don’t want to know how he got them.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey said, confused, “Ladalum?”

“A flower,” Leia explained. She pulled up a picture on her holopad and turned it around so Rey could see. A long, thin stalk with multiple small, red flowers dotted along its length like drops of blood rose out of a field of grass.

“They’re from Alderaan,” Leia continued. A pained grimace crossed her face as she spun the holopad back around, staring at the flower on its screen where it sat in her lap. “ _Were_ from Alderaan I suppose I should say. They were rare even back when the planet still existed, but there were always some in the palace gardens.” She smiled again and traced a finger across the flower on the screen. “They were my mother’s favorite.” She shook her head abruptly and turned the holopad off.

“I’m sorry,” Rey apologized. “I didn’t mean to drag up bad memories.”

General Organa shook her head. “There’s no need to apologize. They’re not bad memories. They’re just…what they are.” She fell silent again.

Rey wasn’t sure if that was her cue to leave, so she remained awkwardly in place.

“Do you miss Jakku?” the general asked abruptly.

Rey was thrown by the question. “Is it possible to miss a place you hated?” she asked after a moment, not sure what the general was looking for by asking.

“It was still your home.”

“It was the place I was left,” Rey said, more harshly than she’d intended. She was surprised by the own bitterness in her voice. “It was a place I lived,” she continued, forging on. “I’m not sure I would ever call it my _home_.” She shrugged. “There were good days of course, when the sandstorms uncovered salvage just when I needed it, or when the spinebarrel flowers bloomed when the moons were just right, or when the winds stopped howling for that one hour before sunset and the desert was still, as if the whole plant was holding its breath.” She shook her head. “I’m not sure _miss_ is the right word, but it…had its moments, I suppose.”

“Alderaan was a lot like here,” Leia said. “Soft, grassy meadows dotted with more flowers than you could count, thick forests filled with birdsong, lakes and rivers with cool, clear water from up in the mountains.” She smiled crookedly. "More people than just one Resistance base though."

“It sounds beautiful,” Rey said, closing her eyes to imagine the sight it would have made.

“It was,” Leia said simply.

Companionable silence fell.

“Here.”

Rey opened her eyes to see the general holding the packet of seeds out to her.

“Commander Dameron tells me you’ve taken to raising flowers. I’m far too busy to, and to be honest, I’m not very good at it.” She smiled gently. “I have a tendency to overwater them, you see.”

Rey didn’t see; she couldn’t imagine having enough water to spare that overwatering was even an _option_ , but she nodded along anyways.

“I know it’s a lot to ask, but I would appreciate it if you would try your hand at these.” She held up a hand to forestall Rey’s protest that she was still really new at the whole…plant thing. “Not all at once, of course.” She shook out a few seed pods and reached out, dropping them into Rey’s palm and closing her hand over the top of them. “But it would be nice to see a bit of Alderaan bloom again.” Her hand brushed over the handwriting on the package once more.

“I’ll do what I can,” Rey promised and understood why Chewbacca had said that Leia needed to see the seeds when she saw something like peace settle in the general’s tired eyes.


	4. Like a Desert Flower Waiting for Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey and Luke have communication issues

Rey stared out at the wide expanse of water before her. Even after three weeks on Ahch-To, the sight still floored her. She didn’t think she would ever get used to it.

“Amazing, isn’t it?”

Rey turned slightly to regard the man standing beside her. Luke Sywalker. _The_ Luke Skywalker. She was standing next to a living legend on a planet made almost entirely of water. Even compared to the events of the past few weeks, it still felt surreal.

“I’m not dreaming, am I?” she asked.

Skywalker let out a wry chuckle. “That’s what I thought the first time I saw the ocean too.” He gazed out at the horizon and sighed. “The feeling never quite goes away.”

_Tatooine_ , Rey recalled General Organa telling her. _The great Luke Skywalker grew up as a moisture farmer on Tatooine_. Looking at him now, she could believe it. No one who hadn’t grown up in a desert looked at mere water like that. She found the thought oddly comforting.

“You want to ask me something,” Luke said as they watched the sun rise completely over the horizon. It wasn’t a question.

Rey scowled and crossed her arms. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” Skywalker asked.

“Picking things out of my head.” She shook her head, fingers clenching at the remembered sensation of memories and feelings being ripped from her mind unbidden.

Luke turned to her, expression grim, as if he could sense her thoughts yet again. He reached out with one hand as if to touch her arm, but seemed to reconsider his action at the last moment, tucking his hands into his sleeves awkwardly instead. “I am not picking things out of your mind, Rey,” he said seriously, making sure to meet her eyes so she could see the truth in them. “And I never will.” He let out a long breath. “That doesn’t mean I don’t sense things in the Force though.” He grinned crookedly. “You burn so very bright and feel things very strongly. It is…difficult to ignore.” He grimaced. “But I apologize. I did not mean to pry.”

Rey let her expression ease into a mere frown as he turned back to the ocean. “Is there a way to turn it off?” she asked suddenly, rubbing one arm and avoiding his gaze when Skywalker looked over at her. “Feeling things in the Force,” she clarified at the question in his raised eyebrow. She almost wanted to hit him for the sheer amount of sympathy in his eyes as he understood what she was asking.

“No,” he said softly. “There are ways to quiet it, perhaps even mute it for a time, but it never goes away completely.” He regarded her for a moment. “It is a difficult burden,” he continued. “It hardens some, breaks others.”

Rey caught an image in the Force then—a small, quiet boy with a shy smile and a dusting of freckles that stretched from ear to ear topped by an unruly mop of black hair. She nearly stumbled at the sheer _sorrow_ that accompanied the image. Kylo Ren was the dark, hulking beast that stalked her worst nightmares. She’d never imagined him as a _child_ , as someone called nephew, son, _Ben_. She shook her head to dispel the image, uncomfortable at the realization.

Luke continued as if he hadn’t noticed, though she had no doubt he had. “In most though, it instills empathy, compassion, at least in my experience.” He looked up at her then, gaze almost challenging. “So much anger, so much rage, it makes me wonder which you’ll choose.”

Rey refused to step back, though a large part of her wanted to. “Is that why you won’t teach me?” she asked instead. She touched the lightsaber at her hip. “Why you refuse to accept this?”

“That blade carries nothing but pain,” Skywalker grated out, a rare flash of annoyance crossing his features. “Far better for all if it had stayed lost.”

“Like you?” Rey asked, more sharply than she’d intended.

“Yes.”

Rey was momentarily thrown by his matter-of-fact answer. She frowned. “Why?”

“Why what?” Skywalker asked wearily, turning away from the ocean and beginning the short trek back to his camp.

Rey trotted to catch up. “The question I wanted to ask earlier. Why? Why did you leave?”

“After what happened, I…needed answers,” Skywalker answered after a long moment, footsteps heavy on the stone steps.

“And did you find them?” Rey prodded, curious.

“Some.” He sighed. “But more questions than answers.”

“So why not come back? You must have known you were needed.”

“What need is there for a washed up old Jedi who can’t even keep his students safe?” There was pain in his voice and in the Force. He shook his head. “I’ve seen enough conflict in my life, and nothing I’ve done has made a difference. Perhaps it’s for the best that the Jedi fade back into myth.”

“Well that sounds like a load of bantha dung,” Rey said calmly.

Luke barked out a hoarse laugh. “Now _that’s_ a phrase I haven’t heard in years.”

“You want to know what I think?” Rey bit out, anger roiling in her chest, hot and heavy at his easy dismissal.

“I’m sure you’ll tell me anyway,” Luke said with a resigned air.

“You didn’t care that people needed you!” Rey spat out, furious now. “You abandoned them. You _left_ them!”

  _Come back! Come back!_ a child’s voice wailed in the back of her mind. Rey shook her head, ruthlessly squashing the memory. She clenched her fists.

“You didn’t care that your sister, your _family_ needed you! You didn’t care when the First Order blew the Hosnian system out of the sky! You didn’t care when Kylo Ren, your _nephew_ , your _student_ , ran his lightsaber through Han Solo’s—“

Skywalker whirled on her then, and she shrank back in the face of his fury and pain. She could finally see why the First Order had been so desperate to find and kill him. If she was a burning flame in the Force, Skywalker was a roaring inferno that howled and raged against the chains he’d bound it with, threatening to destroy all it touched if it was ever unleashed.

“Do not ever make the mistake of thinking I do not care,” he said quietly, and that was worse than if he had yelled the words. “I have always, _always_ , cared, but there are larger things at stake that you know _nothing_ about.”

Rey refused to back down. “Well I hope it was worth it,” she snarled back before dropping into a mocking bow. “Enjoy your peace and solitude, Master Skywalker.” She stalked down the path towards the _Falcon_.

 

Hours later, Rey stared at the pot in her lap, a _proper_ pot this time, not some abandoned bucket or one of Poe’s stolen combat boots, which reminded her—she should probably let him know where the shoe he’d spent the better part of a week looking for had ended up. She grinned at the memory of BB-8 beeping up at him innocently when Poe had asked if the droid knew where it was before he’d finally thrown up his hands in defeat and attended his next briefing in his socks.

“It’s different than I remember,” Skywalker commented from behind her as he entered the _Millenium Falcon_ ’s main hold.

Rey spared him only a glance—she’d felt him coming down the trail and heard him talking to Chewie outside—before continuing to turn the pot this way and that, as if a different angle would reveal a shoot, a leaf, _anything_ that would show that the seeds she’d planted were alive and growing. She frowned and poked lightly at the bare dirt, wondering if it needed more water.

Skywalker wandered about the hold, touching a bulkhead here and there, feelings and memories tugging and pulling insistently at her in the Force. It was giving her a headache.

“Do you want something?” Rey finally snapped, setting the pot down gently enough and rising to her feet.

“What are you doing?” Skywalker asked by way of answer, as if they hadn’t been arguing less than half a day ago.

“What does it look like?” Rey grumbled.

“Well, it _looks_ like you were staring at a pot of dirt,” Luke said, wry amusement in his voice.

Rey was tempted to throw a hydrospanner at his head. “I’m trying to grow some flowers,” Rey grit out, “Not that it’s any concern of yours.”

“Why?” Luke tilted his head curiously.

Rey wasn’t sure how to answer that question, so she settled on honesty. “General Organa asked me to.” She took a small packet of seeds out of her bag and poured a few into her hand, holding them out for him to see. “Ladalum seeds, from Alderaan.”

If Luke was surprised, he hid it well, merely regarding her in thoughtful silence for long enough that she fought the urge to roll her eyes and get back to work.

“Do you still wish me to teach you?” he asked suddenly.

“What?” Rey blinked, frowning at the change in topic.

“Do you still wish me to teach you?” Skywalker repeated patiently.

“I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t,” Rey shrugged.

“Then perhaps this would be a good place to start.” He gestured to the floor of the ship. “Sit, please.”

Rey warily complied, a small sliver of hope rising in her chest as he folded his legs across from her and moved the pot of ladalum seeds so it rested between them.

“The Force is an energy field of sorts,” Luke began, voice soft. “Life creates it, makes it grow. It surrounds all, binds all.” He spread his hands. “It has a will of sorts, but it is neither good nor evil.” He paused and grinned crookedly. “Much like the desert in that respect. It just _is_.”

Rey nodded. She could understand that.

“As the Force moves through all living things, you can touch the spark that resides in these seeds. Try it now. Close your eyes and just reach out.”

Rey obeyed, instinctively reaching out to her surroundings with the Force only to find…nothing. She frowned and opened her eyes, feeling a surge of disappointment ripple through her. “There isn’t anything there.”

Luke chuckled. “That’s because you’re currently wielding the Force like you would a hammer. Effective as that approach undoubtedly was at Starkiller, a task such as this requires more…finesse than brute force.” He smiled at her. “Try again.”

Rey grumbled, but closed her eyes again.

“Now, can you feel me?”

Rey snorted. “Of course.” His presence was positively blinding.

“That…is probably not helping matters. One moment.”

His presence faded until it was a mere shadow in her senses. Rey resisted the urge to open her eyes and check that he was still there.

“How did you do that?” she demanded.

A wry chuckle across from her. “How do you think I’ve evaded the First Order for so long? But one task at a time. _Now_ try feeling for the seeds.”

Rey cast out, making a conscious effort not to draw as much power as before. She could still sense the echo of Luke’s presence if she concentrated, and she could feel Chewie’s irritation as he growled at R2-D2 outside the ship, and she could feel the birds wheeling overhead, and she could feel so many strange creatures in the water below, and—

“Focus only on this room,” Luke murmured, snapping her back to herself.

Rey frowned, struggling to force her awareness down. She took a deep breath, and suddenly, she could feel them, the barest hint of a spark in the pot, four tiny pinpricks in her senses.

“They’re so small,” Rey murmured, careful not to disturb her newfound awareness.

“They are.” Skywalker sounded almost proud. “Now, reach out _gently_ , feel the Force moving through them and…encourage them to grow.”

“What does that even mean?” Rey growled, brow furrowed in concentration.

“Remind them of the sun warming your leaves, of water and food moving up through your roots.”

 “I’m not a plant,” Rey complained.

Luke let out a low laugh. “Separation is an illusion. In the Force, all things are one. You are the plant, and the plant is you, so _grow_.”

Rey felt the Force swirl around her, through her, and the small sparks in the pot seemed to brighten, just a bit.

“That’s enough for now,” Luke commented. “Open your eyes.”

Rey blinked and looked down at the pot. Four little green shoots were barely unfurling their first leaves.

“Did I--?” Rey asked, reaching one hand out tentatively.

“Yes.” Skywalker smiled, the first true smile Rey had seen since she’d arrived. “Good work.”

The insistent beeping of an incoming call over the comms system interrupted the moment. Rey cleared her throat and rose to her feet, hearing Luke groan as he stretched out his own. He waved off her concerned look with a muttered complaint about old joints. After a moment’s hesitation, she grabbed the pot of seedlings—not willing to let them out of her sight just yet after what happened—and took it with her as she made her way to the cockpit. She punched the button to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Rey?”

“Doctor Kalonia?” Rey asked with some confusion, then mounting panic. “Wait, if you’re calling…is everything okay? Is Finn—“

“Everything’s fine,” Doctor Kalonia reassured her, voice calm and soothing. “I just have someone here who’d like to talk to you.” There was a burst of static as the comm was obviously passed to another person. Rey could hear a muffled voice in the background warning to keep it brief, then the sound of a deep breath.

“Hey Rey,” a voice hoarse from disuse said quietly over the comm.

“Finn,” Rey breathed, not quite believing it was really him.

“There you are.” There was a note of relief in his voice. “It’s good to hear your voice.”

“Yours too.” She cleared her throat against the sob of relief that threatened to choke its way out. “I’ve been worried about you. The doctors said you’d be all right, but I--, thas is—“ She blew out a long breath. “Are you--?” She paused, swallowed. “Are you okay?”

A long silence, as if he were debating what answer to give. “I’m alive. That’s more than I expected.”

“Good. That’s…good.”

“Yeah.” A brief, almost delirious laugh. “It is. It really is. The doctors here are pretty amazing.” Rey could hear him yawn even over the comm, then the murmur of voices in the background again. “Sorry,” Finn apologized tiredly. “Looks like I’m getting kicked off and sent back to bed.” Another yawn. “I just…needed to hear your voice. Take care of yourself out there, Rey.”

There was another burst of static before Rey could answer him, then Doctor Kalonia was back on the line. “He’s still a little out of it,” she explained matter of factly, “but he refused to settle down until he’d made sure you were okay.”

“It’s fine,” Rey answered, worried despite the doctor’s reassuring tone. “I’m glad you called.” She finished the rest of the call mechanically, already planning their course back to D’Qar in the back of her mind..

“You’re leaving,” Skywalker said from behind her as she ended the call, making her nearly jump out of her skin. His presence was still oddly muted in the Force.

“My friend’s awake,” she said simply, as her fingers flew over the controls, already starting pre-flight checks. “I need to be there.”

“I understand.” Luke bowed his head. “I’ll leave you to your preparations.” He headed back down the corridor.

“You could come with us,” Rey called after him, a slight challenge in her voice.

Skywalker’s gaze was inscrutable as he looked back. “No,” he said finally, “I couldn’t. Not yet.” Rey watched him go before dismissing him with a shake of her head, ignoring the bitter disappointment roiling in her gut.

 

“Chewie!” Rey yelled over the noise of the engines warming up, waving to the Wookiee perched on top of the radar array conducting last minute repairs. “We’re heading out!” Chewbacca waved his assent and started down.

Rey grinned and headed back up the gangplank only to find Skywalker waiting for her there, hands folded into the sleeves of his robe.

“I doubt you’re here because you changed your mind,” Rey said, coming to a stop and crossing her arms.

“No,” Luke agreed. “I merely came to see you off.” He pulled a small container out of one sleeve. “And to give you this. Here.” He held it out.

Rey regarded the strange-looking plant in Luke’s hands before shaking her head.

“I don’t want any gifts from you, and I have nothing to trade in return.”

Luke chuckled, pressing the prickly plant into her hands and drawing his hands away so she either had to hold it or risk it falling. “It’s not a gift, but a promise. It’s a desert plant, from Tatooine. Han got it for me as a joke years back. It’s a hardy little thing that seems to thrive despite every adverse condition thrown at it.” A wry smile crossed his face. “Reminds me of someone I’ve come to know.”

Rey remained silent, and Luke’s smile fell.

“When it blooms, I’ll come back,” he said seriously.

Rey snorted and rolled her eyes, brushing past him to finish up preparations.

“And how are you going to know?” she challenged. “You’ll be systems away.”

“I’ll know.”

Rey turned back to see him regarding her steadily, sincerity ringing true in the Force. She held the plant up to the light to see better. “Does this thing even _have_ flowers?” she asked, and Luke let out a small laugh and held up one hand, thumb and forefinger nearly touching.

“Small ones.”

Rey sighed and ran a hand through her hair before caving. “Fine, but if you don’t, I’ll hunt you down again and drag you back tied up in the cargo hold if I have to,” she threatened.

Luke laughed again. “Of that I have no doubt.”

He said his goodbyes to Chewie who ruffled his hair fondly and told him to look after himself, then exchanged quiet words with R2-D2 before they boarded.

“Looks like this is goodbye then,” he said, turning back to Rey.

“For now.”

Skywalker smiled then, inclining his head. "Goodbye for now, Rey…and thank you.”

“For what?” she asked, confused.

Luke merely shook his head, turning and walking back down the gangplank.  He raised a hand in farewell as the _Falcon_ took off.

"For giving an old man new hope," he said to the empty air when it was nothing but a speck in the sky, a lone Jedi on a wind-swept island once again...but not for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Luke is hard.


	5. One Must Have Sunshine, Freedom, and a Little Flower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Doctor Kalonia decides that she is not paid enough

“On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?”

Finn only kept his hands from clenching down on the exam table’s edge by sheer force of will as his back twinged. He let out a long, slow breath, making sure there was only the slightest hint of pain in his movements. “A three,” he said steadily once he was sure he had it under control.

Doctor Kalonia eyed him over the edge of her holopad. “Care to revise that answer?”

“No,” Finn responded, carefully keeping his fingers from twitching in annoyance.

The doctor sighed as she scribbled something down. “I’m impressed by your level of body language control,” she commented idly. “I would expect someone in your condition to express much more of the pain they’re undoubtedly feeling, but I feel that I must warn you away from card games.”

“Why is that?” Finn asked, confused, before yelping in surprise as much as pain as the doctor poked him in the side, _hard_.

“You have a terrible sabacc face.”

“Was that really necessary?” Finn gritted out, breathing shallowly against the pain as his back lit on fire.

“That depends,” Doctor Kalonia answered, regarding him steadily. “How would you rate your pain?”

“Well _now_ it’s a kriffing seven,” Finn said, glaring.

“Seven when aggravated,” the doctor dutifully recorded. “Shall we say five normally?”

“Fine,” Finn nearly snarled, annoyed and in pain.

Doctor Kalonia sighed and set her holopad aside, relaying quiet instructions to the med droid outside the door before turning back to him. “Make no mistake, Finn,” she said seriously, making sure to hold his gaze. “I have sent soldiers back into battle still healing because I was ordered to get them back into fighting shape only. Against my upbringing, my training, and my better judgment, I have done so.” She closed her eyes and leaned back against the counter behind her, and Finn realized with a guilty stab just how _tired_ she looked. As if sensing his thoughts, the doctor opened her eyes and lifted one corner of her mouth in a crooked smile. “But you, you I have been ordered to make well by any means we have at our disposal, so if I have increase your dose of painkillers or order you to three year’s worth of therapy to do so, then that is what will happen, do I make myself clear?”

“Why do you care?” Finn asked roughly, looking away. “I’m just a stormtrooper, FN-2187.” He laughed hollowly, thoughts turning to his nightmares of late: Jakku, Takodana, Starkiller. “And not even a very good one at that.” He looked up when the doctor didn’t respond, only to see her gazing at him with an odd expression on her face.

“Your friend asked me much the same question awhile back,” she said after a moment, “so I’ll give you much the same answer now as I gave then. I’m a doctor. It’s my job to care.” Gentle fingers lifted his chin so he could see the truth in her face. “But know this, FN-2187, _Finn_ , you are a person, a hero, and you are worth caring about.” She smiled and let her hand drop. A slight commotion outside the room was the only noise as Finn stared at the doctor in astonishment.

Doctor Kalonia turned and picked up her holopad, pen poised over it, expression businesslike once again. “Now, I’m pleased with how the rest of your numbers look―,” she began only to be interrupted by a large crash outside and the sound of a med-droid screeching. Faint shouting reached their ears only to die down after a moment.

The doctor cleared her throat. “As I was saying, your numbers―” Multiple med droids beeping in agitation sounded off outside followed by the sound of glass shattering and more shouting. As the commotion outside grew louder, Doctor Kalonia huffed and rolled her eyes. “Excuse me for a moment.” She marched over to the door and yanked it open. “Just what is going on out here?”

Rey stumbled into the room, followed by a gaggle of loudly protesting med droids and one thoroughly annoyed physician’s assistant.

“I’m so sorry!” the assistant apologized, wringing his hands. “We tried to stop her―”

Doctor Kalonia held a hand to forestall his apology and quiet the droids’ continued protests. She took one look at the girl picking herself up off the floor, expression set in mulish defiance, and allowed herself a tired sigh.

“Out!” she ordered, tone brooking no argument as she shooed the droids toward the door. “I’ll deal with this,” she said more gently to her assistant, but he too was ushered out in short order. She let her head thump once against the closed door,  girding all the professional courtesy she could muster about herself like combat armor, before turning back to the room. “Now, do you want to explain what that was all about?”

Her question was ignored, or unheard more likely, as the two other people in the room stared at each other.

“You’re back,” Finn blinked finally, breaking the silence.

Some of the tension in Rey’s frame eased. “Of course I am. You woke up,” she answered, as if just up and leaving training with _the_ Luke Skywalker that whole armies had tried and failed to find was the most logical course of action. She fiddled with her hands awkwardly as silence fell again.

Doctor Kalonia noted with a small degree of alarm that she was swaying on her feet. She cleared her throat loudly, making Rey jump and Finn look over at her sheepishly.

“You’re making me dizzy just watching you,” she said. She gestured to the chair against the wall. “Please sit down before you pass out.”

Rey nodded and sat down with a grateful sigh as Finn looked on worriedly. “Just tired,” she said, waving off their concern. “Haven’t really slept much since leaving Ahch-To.”

Doctor Kalonia tapped at her holopad, frowned, then made a swiping motion. “I’ve scheduled you for a brief physical in four hours.”

“What?” Rey asked, “Why?”

“You’re exhausted,” Doctor Kalonia said pointedly, “and look like you haven’t been eating properly.” Rey looked away guiltily. “And you’ve just returned from an extended trip off planet,” the doctor continued. “I could have you quarantined for a few weeks instead. Would you prefer that?”

Rey shook her head vehemently.

“I didn’t think so.”

Finn let out a sound that could have been a laugh, but quickly devolved into a coughing fit. Rey leapt out of her chair as Finn doubled over in pain, the motion sending lightning flaring along his back. Doctor Kalonia moved to his side to steady him, subtly checking to make sure he hadn’t reopened his wound as the fit subsided.

“I’m fine,” he grit out finally, shrugging her hand off. “Really,” he emphasized at her raised eyebrow and Rey’s worried expression.

“Again, stay away from card games,” the doctor reiterated. “But you are right in a sense; you are as fine as could be expected under the circumstances. With time and proper care, I expect we could start physical therapy as early as next week.” She glanced down as her holopad chimed, missing Finn’s apprehensive shift, though Rey frowned at the slight movement.

“It appears I’m needed elsewhere,” the doctor declared after a moment, shaking her head, “and we were about finished up for today anyway. Do you have any questions for me before I leave?”

Finn shook his head.

“All right, I’ll be in same time tomorrow then.” She turned to Rey who straightened slightly at her attention. “You can stay for a little while longer, but then Finn needs to rest, understood?” Doctor Kalonia said, ignoring Finn’s half-hearted protest that he wasn’t even tired.  Rey nodded. “And don’t forget about your appointment. I don’t want to have to hunt you down.” Rey nodded again at the warning in her tone. The doctor smiled tiredly, hugging her holopad to her chest. “In that case, I’ll leave you two to visit. Remember, not too long. I’ll be just outside if you need anything.” Then she was out the door and gone.

Awkward silence fell over the room as the two stared at each other.

“How are you?” Rey asked finally, hands clenched tight against her sides.

“You heard the doctor. I’m as fine as can be, you know, considering,” Finn answered flatly, gesturing to his back.

Rey shook her head. “That’s not―. I meant―. No, I did―” She made a noise of frustration and darted forward to capture one of his hands in her own. “You’re okay,” she whispered, breath hitching slightly, even as a smile of relief made its way across her face.

Finn squeezed her hand tightly, a smile of his own growing. “Yeah, I think I am now.”

“So how are you, really?” Rey tried again, not letting go of his hand.

Finn took a moment to consider his answer. “I’m alive,” he said, looking down. “I...wasn’t expecting that, and the Resistance, they’re fixing me up as best they can.” A note of frustration entered his voice. “Honestly, I’ll just be glad to get out of here and see something besides the four walls of this room,” Finn sighed. “It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but I’m tired of being _under observation_ and there’s only so many times you can count the ceiling tiles.”

“But have you named them yet?” Rey asked, teasing.

“Uh, no,” Finn conceded. “But now that you mention it―” He pointed to a stained tile in the corner of the room. “That one kind of looks like it has a rock wren on it, so Rocky?”

Rey laughed. “You are terrible at names.”

Finn shrugged one shoulder, suddenly self-conscious. “Haven’t exactly had much practice.”

Awkward silence fell as Rey looked at him with an expression disturbingly like pity in her eyes.

Finn turned away. "Poe said you brought these," he said to break the quiet, gesturing to the small pot of white flowers sitting on the stand beside his bed.

"Yeah," Rey replied. "Well, we both did."

"They're pretty."

"Yeah."

Silence again as they both struggled to find words.

“Do you want to go outside?” Rey blurted out suddenly.

“What?” Finn asked, blinking in confusion.

“Outside,” Rey repeated. “You said you wanted out of the room, and Poe said there’s these local flying lizards that sometimes hang out by the snowcaps behind the hanger. We could see if they’re out yet, and―” She stopped suddenly, face flushing, as Finn just looked at her blankly. ”Nevermind, it was a stupid idea.”

Finn shook his head quickly, wincing as the motion jarred his back. “No, that sounds pretty nice actually. I just have no idea what you’re talking about.” His face fell suddenly. “And I don’t think the doctor will let me out of here yet.”

“Who says she has to know?” Rey asked, shrugging. “We can be out and back before she realizes you’re even gone.”

“But isn’t she an officer?” Finn said with a frown.

Rey shrugged again, looking at him strangely. “Don’t know. What does that matter?”

“What does it matt―” Finn began, incredulous, before stopping mid sentence, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Finn?” Rey ventured after a moment.

“It doesn’t matter,” Finn said, half to himself. A wide grin spread across his face and he grabbed Rey’s shoulders, trying to make her understand. “It doesn’t matter!”

“Uhhh, no?” Rey said, now thoroughly confused.

Finn laughed, gesturing towards the wheelchair in the corner of the room. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s go.”

Rey poked her head out the door as Finn settled himself carefully into the chair. “Looks clear enough,” she said, ducking back inside. She noticed Finn’s grimace and the stiff way he sat. “Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked, suddenly worried.

Finn nodded.

Rey bit her lip, but obligingly wheeled him out the door.

“Don’t look so nervous,” Finn said quietly through his teeth, smiling as they passed a med droid who regarded them a little too curiously.

“And how do you propose I do that?” Rey hissed back at him, ducking her head away from the droid as she picked up the pace slightly. There was a lot more traffic moving through the medical wing than she had anticipated.

“Look like you’re too busy to be bothered,” Finn offered. “You’d be amazed how many people won’t stop you as long as you act like you know what you’re doing.”

“Speaking from personal experience?” Rey asked, but she took his advice, copying the slightly pinched look on a passing assistant’s face and keeping up a brisk pace.

“Not a good idea to stand out as a trooper,” Finn shrugged. “Good or bad,” he added under his breath, almost too quietly for Rey to hear.

Rounding the corner, Rey didn’t have time to wonder which he’d been. Muttering a quick curse, she yanked Finn’s chair back.

“Why’re we stopping?” Finn asked, leaning forward to glance around the corner before shrinking down in his chair as he spotted what had Rey worried. Doctor Kalonia was speaking quietly with two other medics in the middle of the last room between them and the relative freedom of the rest of the base.

“What do we do now?” Finn whispered.

“We should be good as long as she doesn’t turn around,” Rey answered just as quietly, taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders.

“What? No!” Finn hissed, sensing her plan only moments before she wheeled him back around the corner. “Rey? Rey!”  He shut up as Rey continued to propel them forwards, closer and closer to the doctors.

They almost made it.

“If that’s all then?” Doctor Kalonia said, turning even as the other medics murmured their assent.

Rey froze, feeling her heart sink even as Finn sank down in disappointment.

“Hey Doc, I got a question for you!” a familiar voice called loudly from across the medical wing, and Rey almost sagged in relief. Poe winked at her and made a small shooing motion with one hand as the doctor turned towards him instead.

“Now is not the time, Commander Dameron,” Doctor Kalonia’s voice rang out sharply from behind them as Rey quickly wheeled Finn down the hallway and out the door.

 

“They’re beautiful,” Finn said, awe in his voice as he surveyed the field full of snowcaps.

“Aren’t they?” Rey said, smiling as she knelt in the grass at the edge of the patch. It appeared that all of the flowers had bloomed at last, creating an almost solid carpet of white behind the hangar, and the sweet smell wafting up from the patch was nearly overwhelming. Everywhere they looked small green lizards swooped and dove through the air in an incredible aerial display, iridescent wings catching the sunlight on every turn and winking in dizzying patterns if one watched too long.

“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Finn shook his head slowly. “Not even in a holovid.”

“That’s how I felt too,” Rey chuckled. “How I still feel most of the time, to be honest.” She shrugged when Finn looked down at her. “Not much to see on Jakku but sand and salvage.”

“Yeah,” Finn agreed with a sour expression, “I remember.”

Companionable silence fell, broken only by the chirps and whistles of the flying lizards. Even the normal din of the hangar with its near constant flight maneuvers was muted, the flight crews having determined that it was too much of a hassle to try and shoo the flying lizards away from the snowcap patches along the runway when they were present in such numbers.

“I never did thank you,” Rey said quietly after a while, startling Finn out of the light doze he’d fallen into.

“What?” Finn asked, not as coherently as he would have liked.

“On Starkiller,” Rey clarified, “You came for me.”

“Oh, that,” Finn said with a yawn. “Of course I did. You’re my friend.”

“No,” Rey shook her head, frustrated. “You _came back_. For me.”

Finn frowned, not understanding.

Rey seemed to curl in on herself. “No one’s ever―”

“YOU TWO!”

Rey and Finn both flinched at the shout, looking up to see Doctor Kalonia storming their way, a thoroughly abashed-looking Poe Dameron trailing helplessly in her wake. He offered a sheepish grin and a small wave by way of apology.

Doctor Kalonia stood over them with arms crossed and a thunderous expression on her face. Finn hunched down in his seat as Rey scowled and looked away.

“You missed your appointment,” the doctor said to her flatly, and Finn startled. Had they really been gone that long? He flinched back as the doctor turned her furious gaze on him. “And you shouldn’t be out of your room, let alone the entire medical wing.”

Finn ducked his head. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I just wanted some fresh air.”

“It’s not his fault,” Rey piped up, standing so she was between him and the doctor. “It was my idea to come out here.”

“I don’t care whose idea it was,” the doctor replied. “You will both return to the medical wing _now_.” She turned away. “Commander Dameron.”

“Yes, ma’am?” Poe answered, straightening up under her glare and trying not to look nervous.

“Please push Finn back.”

Poe visibly sagged in relief. “Yes, ma’am. Right away, ma’am.”

“How’re you doing, buddy?” he whispered to Finn as he grabbed the chair, Rey falling in beside them at the doctor’s impatient gesture.

Finn craned his neck for one last glimpse of the field as he was wheeled back towards the base. “Much better,” he said with a tired smile. “Although I don’t think the doctor is very happy with us.”

“You think?” Poe chuckled quietly. They watched pilots and base personnel scatter out of the doctor’s way as she led their little parade through the halls. “Was it worth it though?”

Finn looked up to see Rey regarding him out of the corner of her eye, waiting on his answer. He smiled broadly as Poe wheeled him into the medical wing, thinking back to the feel of the sun on his face, how it had seemed to burn away some of the shadows that had been lingering in his mind since Starkiller. “It was,” he said firmly. “Every moment of it.”

Rey nodded at him with a small smile of her own.

 

Doctor Kalonia stopped by for one final check up long after visiting hours ended, a large potted plant and a small spray bottle clutched awkwardly in her arms. Long segmented tendrils trailed over the side, swaying from side to side as the doctor carried it over to an empty corner of the room. She set it down with a relieved sigh, one hand rising to rub her back. She was unsurprised at Rey’s presence, but the girl still ducked down in her chair, watching the doctor in wary silence as she spent some minutes arranging the plant to her liking.

“You’re not supposed to be in here. By all rights, I should have you removed from the medical wing and ban you from returning unless in case of emergency,” the doctor commented quietly as she worked, mindful of Finn’s sleeping form. He had nodded off earlier during her very thorough tongue-lashing about their little escapade, taking much of the sting out of her words even as she had ordered him to bed. “Not even the general would argue with me about it after the stunt you two pulled today.” She glanced over to see that Rey had sunk even further into her chair, though her eyes watched her hands move over the new plant with such sheer _hunger_ that she had to look away. She berated herself for forgetting that even though Rey had settled into life at the Resistance base, at least enough to not stare in outrage at the water cooler in the mess hall or outright _snarl_ at anyone who looked like they might be thinking of stealing food from her plate, the half-feral desert child still lurked there just under the surface.

Doctor Kalonia sighed and beckoned. “Come here, please.” The chair squeaked behind her as Rey rose to her feet and padded over, silent as a sand panther.

“This is a compromise, _not_ an endorsement of your activities today,” the doctor said, brushing one finger just over the top of one of the tendrils. Rey watched in awe as the leaves along it curled up at her touch only to flare out again mere moments later. “Plants like this one help clean and purify the air to some extent,” Doctor Kalonia continued, “Handy to have around a base or ship with a lot of recirculated air.” She looked into Rey’s face and took a deep breath, hoping that she was choosing the right words to get through to the girl. “I’m offering a trade.”

“For the plant?” Rey asked.

“Eventually,” Doctor Kalonia nodded. “Think of it as a sort of loan for now. As long as Finn’s in this room, so is the plant. When I determine that Finn is well enough to leave, and only then, you may have the plant outright.”

“And I suppose I have to stay out of the way in the meantime,” Rey said bitterly. She took a step back, shaking her head. “Not gonna happen.”

“The rules are in place for the protection and safety of the people in our care,” Doctor Kalonia replied. “Breaking them has consequences.” She cleared her throat. “I’m afraid that you’re barred from visiting hours until further notice.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Rey growled, hands fisted at her side.

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” Doctor Kalonia said with shrug.

Rey was completely thrown off. “What?”

Another shrug. “It’s after visiting hours, and you’re on a personal errand for me.” She gestured to the plant. “It needs to be watered every day,” she said, pressing the spray bottle into Rey’s hands. “So do we have a deal?”

Rey frowned at her, seeing the loophole that the doctor offered her. “Why are you doing this?” she asked quietly.

Doctor Kalonia smiled tiredly. “I told you, I’m a doctor.” She nodded towards Finn, who continued to sleep deeply and peacefully despite their conversation. “But there are some wounds that bacta can’t fix. Only a fool would reject an effective treatment when it shows up, even if it arrives unannounced and is slightly disruptive.” She smiled and held out a hand. “So, do we have a deal?”

Rey regarded her for a long moment before spitting in her palm and firmly clasping the doctor’s hand. “Deal.”

“Lovely,” the doctor said with an admirably straight face, resisting the urge to immediately wipe her hand off on her coat, recognizing the gesture of respect for what it was. Instead, she guided Rey over to the plant. “Now Felix here is a bit finicky about his water―”

“Felix?” Rey interrupted.

“That’s his name,” Doctor Kalonia replied seriously, eliciting a small grin in return. “Now pay attention. I don’t want to have to repeat myself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a rough week for a lot of people. Have a fic.


End file.
